Driving in the Insane Lane

© Stephanie Glaser

There’s a problem with stating that you need to learn how to drive on “the wrong side of the road” when you are a visitor in Australia, Great Britain, India, Indonesia and in many other nations. The main issue is that for the residents of these countries, it is the right side of the road — meaning correct — despite the fact it’s the left side of the road.

However, even if you state correctly that you are learning to drive on the left side of the road — it feels wrong. Very, very wrong.

My first attempt at driving on the left side of the road in Adelaide, Australia, was when my family needed groceries. We had no food except for Vegemite and crackers. That is a motivating factor in giving driving on the left side a go.

Backing out of a garage was bewildering. I had to have my husband Kurt do that since I kept looking the wrong way and moving the steering wheel in the wrong direction. The next confusion came when preparing to turn on to a main street. I moved my left hand to hit the turn signal. Wwwwipe…wipe…wipe (actually it was more like a sssscccrrrape since there was no rain to lube up the windshield wipers.) Turning on the windshield wipers instead of the turn signal would plague me up until about five months into our stay in Adelaide.

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Face-to-Face (Seriously) with a Koala

Arthur and I “nose” each other

Holding the soft, fuzzy animal that I had been somewhat obsessed with since childhood, I became overwhelmed — not by emotion as I thought might happen, but by an abhorrent stench. It was a combination of dried urine and eucalyptus oil. Was this really the case? How could my favorite animal, a cute and cuddly koala, smell so bad?

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Getting Schooled in Aussie Slang

Some of my crazy but lovable year 8’s
© Stephanie Glaser

Teaching eighth graders, who are pubescent pundits, is challenging no matter where you are. But when you are teaching in a new country and you don’t know their slang, it’s just plain brutal.

I discovered this the hard way when, as an exchange teacher, I bumbled my way through one year of instructing Year 8’s in Adelaide, Australia.

I already knew a few tidbits before I arrived. For example, never say, “I root for the team.” The connotation of that statement would be that I do way more than cheer for my team to keep their spirits up. I also knew not to freak out when kids would say that they wore their thongs to the beach; they meant flip flops not G-strings.

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The Friday Travel Ahh….

An icon sandwich

© Stephanie Glaser

As anyone who travels knows, there are missteps, mishaps and misadventures, but then there are those perfect moments when we say: “yeah, this is why I travel.” I’m choosing Fridays to be the Travel Ahh… day.

When you are in between the Sydney Opera House and the Harbour Bridge, you feel like you’re in an icon sandwich, at least I did. The two are such famous images worldwide.  I took this photo as my family and I left the harbour on a ferry to Manly Beach. It was our goodbye to Sydney and to Australia, in a way, because the next day, we were leaving the country we had called home for one year. It was such a spectacular farewell. It was really more like a “see you later.”

In Western Australia: Yoda, can you help me find my purse?

The Pinnacles at dusk.
© Stephanie Glaser

Finding a needle in a haystack is difficult, no doubt, but so is finding something you left behind a Pinnacle. Pinnacles are found in the desert of the Nambung National Park, one of the most incredible places I’ve ever visited.  It is located, strangely enough, only 17 kilometers from the coastal town of Cervantes in Western Australia. The Pinnacles Desert is a golden yellow landscape marked by thousands of limestone formations that look like Bugles corn chips sticking out of the sand.

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Night of the Living Dead — or rather, roo road kill

Get off the road! Don’t go into the light…

When Australians, who are generally straight forward, tell you not to drive in the bush or outback at dusk, listen to them. They know what they are talking about. And they’re talking about kangaroos and camels — but mostly kangaroos — in the headlights. Kangaroos constitute most of the road kill in Australia. In fact, many Australian vehicles have large metal “roo guards” on the front to protect the radiator in case of a hit. Our rental caravan, however, merely sported the logo of the company.

Driving from Perth, Western Australia to Exmouth, WA, is a haul. Western Australia is huge and it’s easy to misjudge distances. Kurt and I found ourselves in the outback at dusk and then dark with no sign of any towns for several hundred kilometers. Yikes!

Here they come. This isn’t even at the height of roo crossing time.
© Stephanie Glaser

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Trying to Like Vegemite

She just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich!

The Turkish toast looked dubious. Among the slightly browned crevices pooled with butter, gathered substantial globs of the brown swamp residue looking Vegemite. Because I was so eager to embrace Australia (I had a kangaroo burger later that day), I ignored the fact that I really wanted to gag after taking a bite. Certainly, my tongue swirled and retracted inside of my mouth. The most beloved product in Australia tasted like congealed soy sauce.

In high school, I was a huge Men at Work fan. So, of course, on my first day after moving to Australia, I had to have the Vegemite sandwich that Men at Work so proudly touted in the song “Down Under.”  At a small cafe in Manly Beach, Sydney, my husband, Kurt, our kids and I ordered our first “brekkie” in Oz.

With more enthusiasm than necessary (jet lag), I asked for Turkish toast topped with Vegemite. After I revealed to the cashier that I had never had this classic Aussie product, the cashier said she, too, was new to Vegemite since she had moved from Brazil just two months ago.  Then she admitted that she hated the Aussie spread, but she suggested that I might like it.

Home-baked, fresh bread — a must for Vegemite

I made it through half the sandwich before concluding — “Okay, enough. I’ve given it a go.” Truthfully, it was hard to believe Vegemite was Aussie comfort food. After all, it is Australia’s equivalent to peanut butter. In fact, some babies are weened off the breast straight to Vegemite.

After leaving Sydney and arriving in Adelaide, South Australia, to work as an exchange teacher, I was confronted with the reality of Vegemite regularly. The yellow jars are ubiquitous. While camping in the Flinders Range of South Australia, Kurt, the kids and I even encountered people who not only brought the familiar jar of concentrated yeast extract, but also they slathered it on their pancakes. Yikes!

The product really isn’t marketed properly either. It’s officially considered “concentrated yeast extract” on the label. Kraft Foods, which produces Vegemite, couldn’t even change it to “Australia’s favourite spread!” or something more zippy. Plus instead of the brackish brown color, perhaps they could make it pink and throw in some rainbow sprinkles.

Have heaps of butter and then spread — a thin layer

However, it’s beloved as is — basically beer film with lots of vitamin B. Aussies will always tell you how soldiers during World War II ate it to stay healthy. It was also marketed to mums in the 1950s as a vitamin packed snack for kids.

Meanwhile, my students and colleagues at the Adelaide school where I taught thought it was a travesty that I had not been introduced to Vegemite properly. My fellow teachers said, of course, I wouldn’t like it when it was presented as big blobs on toast. There was technique to spreading Vegemite.

Nadine with everything she needs to convince me of the wonder of Vegemite.

My friend Kylie said I must scrape it on with the back of the knife in a thin layer. Another friend, Nadine said I needed to top it on warm, freshly made bread over “heaps of butter.”

My friend Amy, on the other hand, said to skip it. She was one of the few Aussies who didn’t like Vegemite (she’s also half American). Because I seemed skeptical, they arranged a Vegemite tasting in the staff lounge.

A bread maker arrived at school along with farm fresh butter, cream cheese, and even freshly crushed natural peanut butter (or “peanut paste” as many Aussies call it) that my friend Anne brought in my honor.  Everyone was into converting the Yank.

Finally, after trying several different thicknesses and primer coatings of butter, cream cheese and peanut paste, I decided that with enough butter, Vegemite on fresh, warm bread was pretty good. Although I might not be a full on Vegemite fan, I can tolerate it, which is saying quite a bit. And now that I’m back in the US, when I miss Oz, I have a tube of Vegemite, and I actually quite enjoy it on a piece of sourdough toast — with heaps of butter.

Vegemite — Yank approved