Avoid the Oops — Not Trying the Food

Time to suck it up!

Steph’s note: The adventures of travel are unpredictable and Travel Oops is all about celebrating the unexpected results. However, there are some travel oopses that you definitely want to avoid. Here is advice about the Avoidable Travel Oops.

The Avoidable Travel Oops: Offending your hosts because you don’t want to eat the food they offer.

Most travelers have had a dilemma like this: you don’t recognize what is on your plate; it smells like feet; it may even slither or crawl on the plate or it is of a hideous texture that induces immediate gagging. What do you do? Refusing to eat the food, in most cases, is an insult. Telling your host you are full may backfire since you might not get anything else to eat, and let’s be honest, it’s a pretty bogus excuse anyway.

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In Paris: “I’ll Have Cheese of the Head, S’il Vous Plaît”

How could France produce the beautiful Eiffel Tower and serve something so atrocious like head cheese?
© Debbie Bacharach

“Well, I know fromage means cheese,” my mom stated as she, my dad, sister and I tried to read a menu at a restaurant in Paris. The menu, understandably, was completely in French. None of us could speak the language, but my mom could recognize some words.

“I’m not sure why it’s listed in the earlier part of the menu. Usually, in France, cheese is served as dessert,” she wondered. Oh, well — whether at the front or the back of the menu, cheese was a great start. How could you go wrong with cheese?

“I’m also not sure what the phrase after fromage means,” my mom added. Our waiter came by and waited patiently as we stumbled through our order. Ultimately, we felt reassured that, at least, cheese would arrive.

By the way, the phrase on the menu after “fromage” was “de tete.” We would find out later the translation was “of head.” We were ordering head cheese. Basically, flesh and other bits from the head of a farm animal set in a jellied mold.

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Trying to Like Vegemite

She just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich!

The Turkish toast looked dubious. Among the slightly browned crevices pooled with butter, gathered substantial globs of the brown swamp residue looking Vegemite. Because I was so eager to embrace Australia (I had a kangaroo burger later that day), I ignored the fact that I really wanted to gag after taking a bite. Certainly, my tongue swirled and retracted inside of my mouth. The most beloved product in Australia tasted like congealed soy sauce.

In high school, I was a huge Men at Work fan. So, of course, on my first day after moving to Australia, I had to have the Vegemite sandwich that Men at Work so proudly touted in the song “Down Under.”  At a small cafe in Manly Beach, Sydney, my husband, Kurt, our kids and I ordered our first “brekkie” in Oz.

With more enthusiasm than necessary (jet lag), I asked for Turkish toast topped with Vegemite. After I revealed to the cashier that I had never had this classic Aussie product, the cashier said she, too, was new to Vegemite since she had moved from Brazil just two months ago.  Then she admitted that she hated the Aussie spread, but she suggested that I might like it.

Home-baked, fresh bread — a must for Vegemite

I made it through half the sandwich before concluding — “Okay, enough. I’ve given it a go.” Truthfully, it was hard to believe Vegemite was Aussie comfort food. After all, it is Australia’s equivalent to peanut butter. In fact, some babies are weened off the breast straight to Vegemite.

After leaving Sydney and arriving in Adelaide, South Australia, to work as an exchange teacher, I was confronted with the reality of Vegemite regularly. The yellow jars are ubiquitous. While camping in the Flinders Range of South Australia, Kurt, the kids and I even encountered people who not only brought the familiar jar of concentrated yeast extract, but also they slathered it on their pancakes. Yikes!

The product really isn’t marketed properly either. It’s officially considered “concentrated yeast extract” on the label. Kraft Foods, which produces Vegemite, couldn’t even change it to “Australia’s favourite spread!” or something more zippy. Plus instead of the brackish brown color, perhaps they could make it pink and throw in some rainbow sprinkles.

Have heaps of butter and then spread — a thin layer

However, it’s beloved as is — basically beer film with lots of vitamin B. Aussies will always tell you how soldiers during World War II ate it to stay healthy. It was also marketed to mums in the 1950s as a vitamin packed snack for kids.

Meanwhile, my students and colleagues at the Adelaide school where I taught thought it was a travesty that I had not been introduced to Vegemite properly. My fellow teachers said, of course, I wouldn’t like it when it was presented as big blobs on toast. There was technique to spreading Vegemite.

Nadine with everything she needs to convince me of the wonder of Vegemite.

My friend Kylie said I must scrape it on with the back of the knife in a thin layer. Another friend, Nadine said I needed to top it on warm, freshly made bread over “heaps of butter.”

My friend Amy, on the other hand, said to skip it. She was one of the few Aussies who didn’t like Vegemite (she’s also half American). Because I seemed skeptical, they arranged a Vegemite tasting in the staff lounge.

A bread maker arrived at school along with farm fresh butter, cream cheese, and even freshly crushed natural peanut butter (or “peanut paste” as many Aussies call it) that my friend Anne brought in my honor.  Everyone was into converting the Yank.

Finally, after trying several different thicknesses and primer coatings of butter, cream cheese and peanut paste, I decided that with enough butter, Vegemite on fresh, warm bread was pretty good. Although I might not be a full on Vegemite fan, I can tolerate it, which is saying quite a bit. And now that I’m back in the US, when I miss Oz, I have a tube of Vegemite, and I actually quite enjoy it on a piece of sourdough toast — with heaps of butter.

Vegemite — Yank approved

Drinking poop coffee in Bali

Our kind host gives us the Kopi Luwak — gulp!
Photo © Stephanie Glaser

Coffee – to me, is a delicacy wherever I am.  I love it brewed any way, shape or form. However, I didn’t realize this standard philosophy would put to the test in Bali.

When given the opportunity to visit a family compound outside of Ubud where they grew and harvested coffee, I didn’t hesitate to go and neither did my husband Kurt.  “Awesome!” was my only thought.

After touring the grounds with our kids in tow, we were invited to a tasting — essentialy heaven. Sitting at a picnic table, you leisurely sipped the many varieties of teas and coffees offered by one of the family hosts. Near the table, a hyper mongoose paced in its cage. It seemed rather random, but there was a purpose for this creature as we would soon find out.

At this particular compound, the family offered a highly prized coffee, Kopi Luwak, which is processed in the stomach of the mongoose. The coffee beans are fed to the mongoose and while he or she is digesting them, the enzymes and acids in the stomach break down the coffee, thereby eliminating bitterness.

The catch: the only way to get the processed beans is by waiting for the mongoose to poop them out. Once that has happened, someone gets to pick the beans from the dung and remove the outer layer of the bean so it is finally ready to be roasted. Our host explained this to us and gave us a brochure to read.

Frankly, it sounded like something my son Eddie made up. Like any five-year-old, most of his revelations and stories involved poop, farts, boogers or any other gross products that shoot or drain out of an orifice.

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